But, Merc's no longer around...

Today marks the 19th day Mercury passed on. I thought i am more accepting of her passing... perhaps not.

Out of habit i picked up all 3 dog food bowls and went to the shed to get food. There i was staring at the 3rd bowl, thinking, "what did i just do? did i just pick Merc's bowl too?" Tears streamed out again.

There's nothing i can do about my sadness. There's nothing i can do about my loss.

Only to allow myself to surrender to my grief.
Only time can heal all wounds.

I continued feeding them all...including Mercury and asked for her paw.
Mercury...you're so painfully missed.

Girls food is served...

   Today, I served 2 bowls of dog food instead of 3.

Usually, Merc would be the nosiest one to push through the door to the shed... she'd  poke her head in to see what I am up to. Though she's seen me do the same routine for years...she always had the same amount of curiousity. Watching closely while I scoop out food to fill each bowl. If the door happens to shut on her, she'd try to push it open with her muzzle or paw...sometimes I'd help her. I enjoy watching her innocence and enthusiasm. The other reason she likes to poke her head into the shed is to catch rats. She's Paul's favourite rat hunter. She'd knock into everything in the shed,  innocently oblivious of her gigantic size in her attempt to catch the rats.

The normal routine of food serving is to start with my Alpha dog, Princess Hera, followed by Mercury Leola and lastly Buffy.

I would call each of them, and they'd hand me their paw. My eyes teared. I'd never get to see her eager face racing for her food or handing me her paw obediently.

Hera got served first as always..and now, followed by Buffy.

I still served Merc her food.......(in my mind)

I miss you dearly Mercury Leola.