But, Merc's no longer around...

Today marks the 19th day Mercury passed on. I thought i am more accepting of her passing... perhaps not.

Out of habit i picked up all 3 dog food bowls and went to the shed to get food. There i was staring at the 3rd bowl, thinking, "what did i just do? did i just pick Merc's bowl too?" Tears streamed out again.

There's nothing i can do about my sadness. There's nothing i can do about my loss.

Only to allow myself to surrender to my grief.
Only time can heal all wounds.

I continued feeding them all...including Mercury and asked for her paw.
Mercury...you're so painfully missed.

Girls food is served...

   Today, I served 2 bowls of dog food instead of 3.

Usually, Merc would be the nosiest one to push through the door to the shed... she'd  poke her head in to see what I am up to. Though she's seen me do the same routine for years...she always had the same amount of curiousity. Watching closely while I scoop out food to fill each bowl. If the door happens to shut on her, she'd try to push it open with her muzzle or paw...sometimes I'd help her. I enjoy watching her innocence and enthusiasm. The other reason she likes to poke her head into the shed is to catch rats. She's Paul's favourite rat hunter. She'd knock into everything in the shed,  innocently oblivious of her gigantic size in her attempt to catch the rats.

The normal routine of food serving is to start with my Alpha dog, Princess Hera, followed by Mercury Leola and lastly Buffy.

I would call each of them, and they'd hand me their paw. My eyes teared. I'd never get to see her eager face racing for her food or handing me her paw obediently.

Hera got served first as always..and now, followed by Buffy.

I still served Merc her food.......(in my mind)

I miss you dearly Mercury Leola.

How do I ?

Ohh...Mercury...
I know I have to let you go, though it's hard to do so.
I keep picturing your floppy ears and the softness of your coat.
Those needy eyes will haunt me for a long time.
I miss holding your long muzzle and talking to you.
The way you drink water from the hose is irreplaceable.
The curvature of your back is etched in my mind. Your special waddle is so clear in my head.
The sound of rapid wagging of your tail hitting against the door grille is so missed.
Your thunderous bark was once painful to bear, but now so painfully missed Merc.

Ohh.. Merc..
I know it's your time to go..and it hurts me so
There is a void in my life since you've left.
Your absence is undeniably felt.
You wake me up in the morning...You call me to play every moment..
You welcome me home when I return... You come in at night to sleep by the stairs..
You look me up into my eyes and wish me sweet dreams every night

How can I ever fill those voids Merc?

How do I ?

Mercury moved on...

August 23rd, 2010, a day filled with shock and tears.

I returned at 1.30am after a long day of shoot. The moment I stepped into our house, my husband conveyed a devastating news... My dog, Mercury had passed on.

I couldn't decipher those words because they didn't make sense. He kept repeating them until it sunk in...and when it finally did, I screamed and yelled in disbelief. How can that be possible? Mercury is the most determined dog I've ever met. She'd jump into unknown territory to get what she wants and has never fallen ill or suffered from any injuries. She's my protector and my bodyguard. How can Mercury be dead?

My knees were weak. My heart sank so deep. My ears refused to listen. My eyes were boiling. My voice was getting louder and louder. I was hoping my husband would take back those words but nothing has changed except the volume of my cries. I couldn't bring myself to see her...or if I would survive that visit.

After a long period of crying... we both walked to her kennel. I took closer steps to see what my mind refuses to comprehend. I crashed. There she was lying motionless wrapped around our bedsheet. It looked like her but it can't be her. She'd normally be pouncing on her kennel vigorously to reach out to me but not this time. Instead, I was the one pleading and calling out her name for her to respond. But she remained still.
I was shock-stricten and grief-numbed.

My hands were shaking when I reached out to touch her...she was cold.

She has moved on. I cried and cried and cried.... and called out her name repeatedly!

I kissed her and placed my head next to hers and wondered... isn't there anything I can do to bring her back?

 I am still grieving..the sadness is so great.

Mercury sweetheart...

I thank you for your companionship.

I thank you for your guidance.

I thank you for your protection.

I thank you for your comfort.

I thank you for your unconditional love.

I thank you for your lessons.

I thank you for your patience.

I thank you for choosing me.

Mercury Leola.... I love you with all my heart.

I would spend many more lifetimes together with you!

                                 

                                                  ~16.6.2004 - 23.8.2010 ~

6 years

3 months

          

I love you Merc.

We give dogs time we can spare,

Space we can spare and Love we can spare.

And in return, dogs give us their All.

It's the best deal man has ever made!

                                         ~ Margery Facklam ~

I love you Mercury Leola